This is an open letter to the people I will mention thru-out this rambling.
To President George Bush: Hey, It's almost over, so let up a little. Let the Demos get their little say-so in. Just ride it out and enjoy your retirement, as I don't think you're gonna get into the same mode as Slick Willy and the rest of his crew(including your dad). Go to the ranch and enjoy LIFE!
To Ossama: Be glad you hit New York instead of Nashville. I believe that Toby Keith could have aroused more support against you then what you got from the Northern sector of this country.
To Bill Clinton: You wont make a very pretty First Lady so stop sucking up to Billery and live in the limelight of your sorry career. I get so sick of hearing of what you did for this country instead of what you cost this country. Listen, you rode the coattails of the greatest President in the history of America, then you systematically tore up everything Ronald Reagan did. You should live a life of shame until you die.
To Obama whatever: Don't waste your time and other people's money-it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
To Hillery: Read the above
To Fred Thompson: Run, man, run. I will vote for you, as will every living true Southerner and Republican(am I still a Pub?).
To every living American: Listen to what these people are saying, don't believe everything you hear, and vote with your heart and for your future and your children and their children. But, please vote-every single vote counts, every voice is heard-on an election ballot!

I have to open up and complain about something that I'm sure more people than me have experienced. The total lack of respect for a paying customer,patient,end-user,whatever. For example: I go to the doctor, who proceeds to TELL me what I HAVE to do or else-YOU're gonna die at an early age( I'm 53, a little past the early age stage)! This is after I waited 45 minutes past my scheduled appointment time. I looked him in the eye and said,"Yeah, of stagnation waiting to be seen by you for this bullshit". He stopped, stared, mumbled something, then left the room. He came back after a few minutes and said "You know, you don't seem to want to be my patient any longer". I replied " I would just like to be you're patient for a shorter waiting period. I get tired of the same magazines, then the same "change your diet, exercise more,etc". I would like for you to respond with an appropriate answer for why my right shoulder hurts, my knees ache, and I can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time, not just grab a prescription pad and order me to pay for something that you probably get a kickback for". I think my next visit is in 6 months or so.
The other knotheads are the cable people who act like they are doing ME a favor by allowing me to view their programming,the Walmart managers who act like I'm intruding on their personal space if I ask where something is located, and a pharmacist who can't get an insurance claim registered correctly. I AM FED UP with the substandard service now leveled upon me and others who pay our way. I DON'T have to shop there, use your products or your services. And let me tell you loud and clear-CHAP MY ASS, then you can kiss it goodbye!

Winter has finally arrived here in the big city(Cleveland, Tennessee). Since we have only experienced about a week of cold weather, I guess it is to be expected. I can only hope for a NO SNOW forecast anytime soon. I still am able to get out on the motorcycle on a few days each month. I went for a POLAR BEAR ride on January 1st, just to say I rode on January 1st. It wasn't bad, only my fingers got cold, since I didn't wear the thick gloves. I can't wait for a little sign of spring so I can go for a weekender ride somewhere. I want to ride to Daytona Beach in March but I can't get off work for the length of time needed. I guess I'll just wait for May or June. Then it will be so hot I can't stand to ride. Never a win/win situation around here. Oh well, as they say,it could always be worse. I could be riding and get chapped lips to go with my chapped ass,huh? Here is a crappy pic of me and MOMO, my Vulcan 2000.

Well,hell! Here I am again on the outs with yet another wife.(My 4th-and last). I got caught in a lie about one of my other ex-wives concerning having conversations with the ex-wife. We have a son together so that forever ties us together in whatever small way. So, on occasion, we have to have a conversation about OUR son. He is getting married in the spring of this year and I have to be involved in(pay for) the rehersal dinner. The ex wants to have a small informal barbeque at her residence. I really don't care where it is. But present wife absolutely refuses to take part in any gathering where the two of them have to interface. Especially if it is to take place at HER place. Her being the ex. I wish the present wife would understand that the ex-wife is the EX for a reason. WE DID NOT GET ALONG! And probably never will! I am too old to have to fight the jealousy battle and have no desire to be party to either's petty bullshit. I have therefore decided that I will provide the financial side of the dinner and delicately remove myself from further derision by not appearing. I WILL be at my only son's wedding even if the present and the ex are battling in the parking lot. And may the best one win! I can only hope to not embarrass myself OR my son. I guess I should have been a hermit like my dear mother predicted I would. And that,sorrowfully, really chaps my ass!!

Well, at last,another Christmas has come and gone. I hope everyone had a very merry one and have a very happy new year. I hope that most of you experienced or at least tried to remember what the reason for the season is supposed to be all about. I did not fight the mall crowds this year and probably wont ever again. We decided to limit ourselves to what we could pay cash for and leave the plastic alone. I only failed one time(my wife's gift). We gave gift cards mostly, except for some small items here and there. And we received mostly gift cards at our own request. I especially like the ones from Chili's, our place to eat,drink and hold court with whomever falls into our path. We meet our fellow biker friends there when weather permits and other friends when temperment permits. I shall refrain from making this a Chili's commercial by stopping here. So, May the wind always be at your back and the road rise to your feet. Good luck in the new year to all!

UNCLE NEW YEAR'S BABY TOM

I feel that I am risking turning this into a "political stand" blog, but here I go again. After the fallout settles from Black Tuesday(Demos regain power Day), I can only hope that the average American citizen is not who has to answer for the outcome. I am slowly realizing that I may very well be a Repub. After all the years of voting "for the man,not the party" speeches, I find I am a more and more voting Repub. I seem to always make more income when the Repub are in office. Why is this? I am not a rich man, I get no extra tax breaks or "free lunches". Right now, the economy can only be described as "hot". The building boom has slowed a little but I still sell tons of material every day. The Demos stated yesterday(that new Female Speaker of the House,anyway) that the economy needed boosting with new taxes to slow inflation. What in God's name do they mean? Gasoline has "fallen" to a lower level of overpriced, the interest rate was kept the same, job-less rates are down-Where is the problem? Do we as Americans just vote in a different set of lowlifes every few years to keep it interesting? Maybe my politics are too much of a low-brow level but the last 6 years have been pretty interesting to me. I don't have to wonder who's hiding in the presidential closet this week, with her cigars and pretty pink crotchless panties. I know it's Barbara. All I have to wonder about is where Osama is, where the next bomb is going off, and who George is gonna get pissed at.

Tonight is Red Stripe Night! For the red stripes in our flag! So patriotic, am I! Well, as everyone now knows, the Demos took control of the House and the Senate. What this means is two years of schoolyard caliber antics from both sides but nothing really accomplished by either. Whatever the Repubs want, the Demos don't. Whatever the Demos want, the Repubs don't. It's a lose-lose situation for all Americans. We cannot come out on the good side of a Party pissing contest. I still say-Drop the two party system , it just ain't working for the good of America. And for a very obvious apathetic America at that. In my little town, less than half of the registered voters even bothered to vote. We even have early voting for 2 weeks before the general election so people can't say that they didn't have time, or weren't off in time, or were out of town,etc. People just don't care who represents them! And that is exactly what some of the lower species politicians use to their advantage. If you don't vote, then don't bitch!. I wont listen to you and neither should anyone else. The one last attainable right you have left is to vote-use it! Or risk CHAPPING MY ASS!

UNCLE SAM--UH......TOM

OK-now it's back to the ranting and raving. Let's talk about health care in America! Why is this not the most important issue on your mind when you vote? Because it is the most shoved aside issue in America today. Why is it the majority of Americans don't have and can't afford decent health care? The cost of insurance is one reason, and the absurd cost of medical care is the other. I went to an orthopedic surgeon/doctor for a pain in my left knee( I usually ignore the pain in the right one). I had an x-ray, and then a shot of some milky-looking fluid directly in the area below the kneecap. IT HURT LIKE HELL@! Two weeks later, I get a bill for $154, above and beyond what my insurance had paid. I questioned the bill, asked why had they not accepted what the insurance had paid. I never got an anwer I truly understood except the one about turning me over for collection if I didn't pay up. I heard some mumbling about the cost of everything rising but no explicit reason. I also found out this DOC has a condo in Key West, an airplane to fly himself there, a Mercedes for his wife and some exotic sports car for himself, a rather large house in the country,etc. Talk about THE LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND SHAMELESS! People can't afford dental care, health care, medicine and food. Where is my congressman and senator on these issues? At the doorstep of each lobbyist, collecting his payment for voting against ceilings on costs of any of the above. Why are we so apathetic when it comes to voting? I say go vote in the person least likely to cause you pain and suffering. At least you can have a little say in the whole mess. And if you don't vote, don't bitch to anyone about who represents you. You gave up that right along with your vote. AND THAT REALLY CHAPS MY ASS!!!

This is another Coors cronicle-I can only hope that I can endure another weekend of political ads from the Tennessee senate race. I cringe every time I see Harold Ford or Bob Corker come onto my tv. I am getting so tired of the phrase "and I've approved this ad" that I could tear my eyes out and puncture my own eardrums. Can anyone tell me why a multi-millionaire would even want to be a senator? Corker is worth about $200 million. If I had that kind of money, I would retire to a tropical island, never to be heard from again. The signs would say "leave me the hell alone". Now, Harold Ford's entire family existence depends on political offices, perks, power and whatever monetary gains are to be had from such endeavors. I DO NOT WANT HAROLD FORD TO BE MY SENATOR OR TO REPRESENT ME IN ANY FORM OR FASHION. Is that clear enough? I figure Corker has nothing financially to gain from being senator, only the illusion of POWER that comes from it. I can live with that, I guess. Just keep his hands away from the RED BUTTON [supposedly the button that sends the nukes flying]. As a matter of fact, just get rid of the BUTTON. Wait, has anyone told the North Korean ruler that we have a BUTTON, one bigger than his? You know, I guess you could replace the word BUTTON with PENIS. It all amounts to about the same thing. "Mine is bigger than yours". Is that not something to CHAP YOUR ASS?
UNCLE NUCLEAR TOM

This is my crazy cat, BOBO. I rescued him when he was about 2 weeks old. I had gone to a job site to measure for an cost estimate and noticed some activity from a roofing crew next door. As I watched, one of the lunkheads heaved this tiny black and white object onto the hot shingled roof. I was horrified to see it was a small kitten. I walked over, removed a ladder from the front of the house and moved it so I could climb up to get it down. When I got down, I looked this tiny creature over and saw that a large section of it's tail had been burned. I set it on the ground and asked who was responsible for this idiocy. The one I had seen toss it on the roof walked up to me and stated "Me, and now watch what I do to it!" He walked toward it as if to kick it like a football. I reached out and stopped him. He then grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling my chest hair painfully, so I did what came naturally. I clocked him a sharp punch to the adam's apple. He went down like a rock and began choking and gurgling. I honestly thought I had done bad damage to him. The 3 other crewmen climbed down and started toward us. I thought, "Well, this is what you get for being a Sir Galihad, an ole fashioned ass-whuppin". Much to my surprise and relief, they had just come over to check on their friend and then to laugh at him. The fellow I surmised was the Bossman just said "Take that cat on out of here so he wont hurt it after you leave, please". So that is just what I did, I took a tiny, 2 week old kitten home. This picture of him shows that he has grown just a little, from about 6 ounces to about 11 pounds. And he thinks I'm his daddy and my wife, his mommy. How can people be so cruel to such an innocent and tiny creature. It makes me think about what upbringing they had and how much suffering is someone or something having to endure at their homes. Sometimes it's a sad and shameful world we live in, I guess. AND YOU KNOW THAT CHAPS MY ASS!!! 

Let's call this "the Coors Cronicles" as I've consumed a few today. One of my favorite books "Marley and me" dropped to #4 on the hardback best sellers lists. After an astonishing 50 plus weeks as either #1 or #2, it took a rather short drop. Oh well, the paperback edition is sure to pad John Grogan's bank account even more. I feel that most people are like me in that they wait until the more economical paperback version comes out before forking out the money. I am an avid reader of Stephen King and Dean Koonz,among others such as John Sanford,etc. But I, most of the time, just wait it out. I wish I could read as avidly as I did in my younger days but find I just don't or wont dedicate the time. I remember being so involved with a book that I would read in bed until 2 or 3 A.M., much to the detriment of the following days work schedule. Now, I leave my books in the bathroom where I read until my feet go to sleep, then I waddle to the shower or to bed. I read so much in my bathroom that I have a bookcase there, filled to overflowing with books(hardback and paper) and magazines, such as This Old House, Wood, etc. Norm would be flattered to know that he is sometimes part of my daily constitutional. Hmm, the beer has stopped the ass chapping for today. Well, there's always another day and another ass chapping on the way. So here's to a mellow Sunday! BUUUUUUUUUUUrp!

For my 3rd scotch monologe, I'm gonna tone it down to some hilarity. This may or may not be funny to everyone so keep an open mind. As I have aged(to the ripe old 53rd year), I find myself going more regularly to my doctor for check ups and the infrequent concerns and scares that come with the aging process. I sit quietly in the waiting room, observing the other patients, and making mental notes. That person has something seriously wrong, that person is probably a hypochondriac,etc. I have watched, over the years ,some of the older men progress from humble, dottering old timers to high stepping straight back younger acting fellows, with snappy remarks and flirtatious attitudes. How naive as I was at the time. I had to ask Doc what he thought brought about these changes. He uttered one word-"Viagra". I had to ask, "How does an ED drug alter a man's physical and mental state?" His reply was "Have you ever tried it?" The answer was no but I was interested. I left that day with a prescription for it. I'm not sure I needed it but my girlfriends have all contributed when the refill is due. And I'm not sure if that chaps my ass or not.
Uncle High Stepping Tom

Well, the scotch is smooth tonight and I am in a mellow mood, and a talkative mood,also. So here goes-my least favorite subject, politics! What is the purpose of our 2 party system? Checks and balances is the most often quoted reason but I think it is to keep the American public offbalance. You are either a Demo or a Pub,right?
Well, I am neither and at this moment would be ashamed to claim either side. I live in Tennessee and the dirtiest race I have ever witnessed is for the state Senator position. Bob Corker and Harold Ford Jr.-a white Southern millionaire against a black? long time professional politician. If Harold Ford has ever lived in my state, he has been gone long enough to now have a Northern accent. I would like to know where he was born and raised if he is running for a power position that will affect me and mine for a while. Mr. Corker was a fairly decent mayor of Chattanooga and did do some good things. The only thing I know about Mr. Ford is he has a relative that has been accused of every political wrong doing known including abuse of power,bribe taking,etc. Now both sides are claiming wrong doings and lying by the other-so who do we believe? The man with the most money or the man with the most politcal clout?
I wish we could elect someone of our own chosing,someone we know is a good person, honest, hardworking, with no personal agenda. The only goal I can perceive for ANYONE to run for a political office is the perception and attainment of the most abused prize-POWER! The power to CHAP MY ASS!!!

As I begin this journey through the world of blogging, I will explain the title, "Uncle Tom's Chapping". I will tell of things that chap mybehind and may tell you some things that will chap yours as well. Oh well, I guess that is what these things are intended to be.
The first item on my chapping list is the price of gasoline. I noticed that as of this past Friday, the price of regular has dropped to as low as $2.00. Wow, have you ever seen people so pleased to overpay for gasoline. After the weeks of hovering around $3.oo, we are all so proud that it has fallen so far. Well, guess what? That is exactly what the intentions were all along. We were so scared that gas would hit $5.00 that when it was lowered?!? to this new price, we were exuberant and relieved. You don't suppose that this was the real price they wanted all along? Of course it is! Now the pressure is off the oil companies. They have been such good Americans to get the price down and now we wont squeal and complain so loudly. This is an election year, after all, so of course every politician will claim it was their doing. AND THAT JUST CHAPS MY BEHIND!
UNCLE TOM