Friday, February 12, 2010

I thought I had lived thru the worst days I was gonna have to live thru but today tops them all. I worked hard all day, tried to call home to check on the wife since it was snowing pretty hard. No answer-on home or cell phone. Was slightly perturbed and worried, so came home about 3:30. No car in the driveway and a goodbye note on the kitchen cabinet door. Things have been edgy since our New Year's Eve blow up( a slightly bigger than normal argument) but I have been trying to be the husband I should be since that time. I guess I am a bigger asshole than even I thought. I can tell it's for good because she left our pets here and other things. She took some things that I guess she needed to furnish wherever she is. She will most likely come back to get clothes and other stuff when I have to go to work. It would be hard to sit here and watch her move out and maybe hard for her to see me cry. She did take my little Josie Mae(chihuahua) and BoBo(my damned cat) but left Goldie, Jasper, Maxx, Teejay,Inman and Kaycee. (3 cats and 3 dogs). I guess they will go to the animal shelter when I have to let the house go because I can't keep them in an apartment. I'm still numb. After 15 years of marriage and 2 more years before that, I thought we would be together until the end. This is like a country song that has no ending. I guess I will have to figure out if the sun will come up tomorrow, if I have to keep breathing and eating, or work on an alternative ending. Life sucks, in case I haven't made myself clear. If it were warm weather, I would burn it all and ride off into the sunset on the motorcycle. I guess I'm just too damned old. Maybe there is no tomorrow, maybe I don't have to breathe. Maybe I'll get lucky and when I go to bed alone tonight, the world will just stop turning for me. Damm, I'm just too tired for all of this.

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