In the 21st century, ex-wives learn how to get on the internet and find your blog. She let loose a tirade of "how could you say such things?" Well, read this and understand something "The truth hurts sometimes!" I feel that if the things I stated were not true, then it should have made no difference what I put on this blog. Anyway, reality has finally set in and I know that what was ours is now over, never to be resurrected again. And I have accepted it now. It is a whole lot easier to get by day by day. I work, I eat sometimes, I watch televsion, I go to bed-then it all starts over again. At least I don't go to Applebees by myself. I don't usually go anywhere but have on occasion ventured out. Went to Riverbend, got drunk, came home. One night out of nine. Oh, well, it saves on spending money. Now I work, get paid and stack up the cash. My insecurity secured by dollar bills. And a lot less times to CHAP MY ASS!

I found out something in the last couple of days that surprised me. After you get to middle age, your kids start telling YOU what to do. At least my ex-wife's kids do. They told her that she had to choose between seeing me or seeing them and the grandkids. What a load of crap! Isn't blackmail illegal? What about her decisions about her life? What gives a child the right to tell his or her parents what she can or cannot do? NOTHING!! I know her 2 kids don't like me but it never kept them from accepting help whenever it was needed. I guess the thought of her inheritance not being split with them was too much. Well, they can go to hell as far as I am concerned. I don't need or want anything from any of them. I have always made my own way, nobody gives me anything. And that's the way I like it. Does it CHAP MY ASS? No, not really, it's just kinda sad if you thing about it.

The question of "is life fair?" has been answered. No! It is not fair, especially if you are are a man in a divorce case. I try to be fair and it gets slammed back into my face. "Ex Parte Order of Protection". Latin for "he's a really big asshole and we need to keep him on a short leash". Because I own a few knives and a couple of guns is why she got the order. Hell, she could have used them on me, since she had more access than I did. OK, it's over! I understand! You hate the ground I walk on! Let's just get it over and done. I do have to keep on living, or do you even care? It's starting to look like a big grab it all and run deal. There ain't much left to grab. Take what is yours and let me live out my life for however long or short that may be. Let's get to mediation and split the loot, the furniture, the whatever. But guess what.......income taxes are soob=n due and you owe half. Property taxes are due.....and you owe half. You have a 401k and I get half. Let's put the house up for sale since it isn't worth what we owe. I'll stay here, make the paynments, and maybe in 10 years or so, we can sell it and split the proceeds. Huh, sounds like you didn't do your homework, just hired a sleazebag lawyer and ran. I may get surprised but the shoe may drop to my side instead. Don't THAT just CHAP YOUR ASS?

Well it's just like I thought. No reconciliation, no chance, no how! We went to court Monday March 1st to legitimatize the Ex Parte Order of Protection (how do you like my Latin?). No contact at all!! Or it's off to jail with you! What a crock of shit! The sad part is her dad died Friday night also. He had been sick for a long while and just suddenly went, poof! I have kinda figured out that Deb knew her dad didn't have too much longer and she wanted to protect her financial windfall in the form of a life insurance policy. I think she was afraid that she would lose it to our bankruptcy. If that is the case, she should have consulted a lawyer about it and would have found out that it would not have been touched. Or maybe she just decided to use it as a parting shot at me. Either way, when we go to mediation, I am gonna ask for 40% of it. We were together a total of 19 years, I feel I deserve something for my time, money, effort and humiliation. Or am I just being a really big turd? Anyway, the whole thing is a tragedy and really kinda CHAPS MY DIVORCED ASS!!

I thought I had lived thru the worst days I was gonna have to live thru but today tops them all. I worked hard all day, tried to call home to check on the wife since it was snowing pretty hard. No answer-on home or cell phone. Was slightly perturbed and worried, so came home about 3:30. No car in the driveway and a goodbye note on the kitchen cabinet door. Things have been edgy since our New Year's Eve blow up( a slightly bigger than normal argument) but I have been trying to be the husband I should be since that time. I guess I am a bigger asshole than even I thought. I can tell it's for good because she left our pets here and other things. She took some things that I guess she needed to furnish wherever she is. She will most likely come back to get clothes and other stuff when I have to go to work. It would be hard to sit here and watch her move out and maybe hard for her to see me cry. She did take my little Josie Mae(chihuahua) and BoBo(my damned cat) but left Goldie, Jasper, Maxx, Teejay,Inman and Kaycee. (3 cats and 3 dogs). I guess they will go to the animal shelter when I have to let the house go because I can't keep them in an apartment. I'm still numb. After 15 years of marriage and 2 more years before that, I thought we would be together until the end. This is like a country song that has no ending. I guess I will have to figure out if the sun will come up tomorrow, if I have to keep breathing and eating, or work on an alternative ending. Life sucks, in case I haven't made myself clear. If it were warm weather, I would burn it all and ride off into the sunset on the motorcycle. I guess I'm just too damned old. Maybe there is no tomorrow, maybe I don't have to breathe. Maybe I'll get lucky and when I go to bed alone tonight, the world will just stop turning for me. Damm, I'm just too tired for all of this.

Forgot to announce we have a new addition to the Carlton family. She is our beautiful Golden Retriever-Goldie!! She is so smart and very pretty, and she knows it. The other 2 outside dogs have taken to her like an old friend. I just can't let her sleep in the big heated doghouse yet. She sleeps in the hallway outside my bedroom until I get up. I know I said no more pets.........but she stole my heart!

Anyone else notice how crappy our roads are getting? McGrady Drive-the golden path to the south end Walmart-has got to be the worst road in Bradley county. The tar humps, the asphalt patches, the holes, the nonexistent turn lane-what a piece of crap! I try to detour around it but it is the inevitable path home most days. Then, look at APD 40 ,or whatever they are calling it this week. The patches are the worst, the long stretches of missing asphalt suck and the speed traps are unreasonable. Oh, well, just another day in beautiful SanfranCleveland, Tennessee. Ow, that last bump hurt my chapped butt!

I am 56 years old and have never had a day like today! I was driving slowly down a side street,preparing to stop at the stop sign. I saw a young man walking down a gravel driveway to my right, like he was going to the mailbox. I eased over to the left to give him some extra room. I was going about 15-20 mph but had let off the gas in preparation for the stop. I saw the man look at me, then turn around and say something to several people in the yard. It seemed that there was an argument of sorts going on because the man raised his arm and gave them the finger. He then turned back toward the street, stopped, then suddenly ran 2 steps in an arc, lowered his left shoulder and his head, then rammed into the front end of my Dodge truck. I was stunned! It felt just like I had hit a wall! The body of the young man rolled forward 15 feet to a stop in front of me. I grabbed my cell phone, tried to dial 911, finally got them, told them where I was and then tried to help the man. The 911 operator was belligerant when I could not tell her an address, just that all you had to do was turn from the main highway onto the side street, and there we would be. She then asked me for his name! I had never seen this person in my life! I was in a panic and this idiot was asking for ID for a hurt person! I hung up when a police car rolled into view at that time. The man was bleeding severely from head wounds and seemed to have other injuries but I was never told how bad he was or is. Seems there is a law that forbids me getting told any information. I guess the privacy laws govern this but it seems a little absurd, I was just worried about the guy. I found out FROM HIS SISTER who showed up that he was upset about breaking up with his girlfriend, who happens to live in the house where he appeared to come from. He was being forced off the property by the girl's family. I think he did this thing to get SYMPATHY INJURIES! You know, "I'm hurt now you have to come and see me." What a wierd ,fucked up life this young man must live. I feel extremely sorry about what happened but everyone, including the 5 witnesses, told me I was not at fault. The police told me the same thing and put it in the official report. Somehow, I don't feel any better about this thing. I guess wrong place, wrong time will get you every time. And, nope, my ass ain't chapped but it's still clamped down tight!!